Dan Savage once observed that “most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships.” Whether or not you’re a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships. Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist, actually either “just a phase” or a stepping-stone on the path to “full-blown gayness.” Knowing that wasn’t true, I decided to investigate.Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection, and concerns over physical safety.
In descending order of frequency, they werea) He had to be successful and ambitious.b) He had to be taller than herc) He has to have emotional intelligence / be mature / respectful / feminist I’ll tackle these in the opposite order: Although this was the third priority, it was the single most common disqualifier.Most often, when I asked single women, “Well, what about the dozens the single men you’re friends with? They’re fun to hang out with, but not serious significant other material.” So, that one’s interesting.I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed.I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.Find a straight female hairdresser in silicon valley, though?
She probably has nearly as hard a time getting romantic partners for class reasons as the carpenter.2) Of the hundreds of straight single professional women I spoke to, there were 3 requirements of a male romantic partner that were far and away the most common.Find any straight male yoga / pilates / meditation instructor in SF, and I guarantee you he has no shortage of potential romantic partners.This is not exactly a transcendence of class or income level — it’s just that that particular industry is actually considered absolutely everyone’s romantic prospect as a point of culture.Woman C: I remember being around 11 years old and meeting this girl in my youth group at church who I thought was so pretty.I would write in my journal about her and pretend that she thought I was just as pretty as she was.In this week's Sex Talk Realness, four anonymous women get real about what it's really like to be a bisexual female in this day and age. I dated boys here and there until I hit a two-year span where I wasn't dating men at all during college, and even came out to my parents as gay. For two years, I kind of awkwardly danced around the subject, but she surprisingly never gave up.