If you’re feeling similarly bored, or over- or underwhelmed by online dating — and want to take a similar break in the new year — here are the pros and cons of my three months off the dating apps: Pro: When you’re not online-dating, it’s easier to focus on one potential partner at a time. But there is something powerful about evaluating one person at a time, without the daily influx of new matches.
But “it really is sifting through a lot of crap to be able to find somebody.”Sales’s article focused heavily on the negative effects of easy, on-demand sex that hookup culture prizes and dating apps readily provide.And while no one is denying the existence of fuckboys, I hear far more complaints from people who are trying to find relationships, or looking to casually date, who just find that it’s not working, or that it’s much harder than they expected.“I think the whole selling point with dating apps is ‘Oh, it’s so easy to find someone,’ and now that I’ve tried it, I’ve realized that’s actually not the case at all,” says my friend Ashley Fetters, a 26-year-old straight woman who is an editor at The easiest way to meet people turns out to be a really labor-intensive and uncertain way of getting relationships.If you are really into playing the guitar, going to a Renaissance Faire or making jewelry, great—you are halfway there. It’s perfectly fine to talk to people about what you enjoy, but don’t forget to reciprocate by asking other people about the activities that bring joy. It may seem silly, but if you never interact with other people you may just forget how.If you never leave your house, you’ll never meet new people.Go to museums, coffeehouses and parks, if only just to scope out the scene.
Before you know it, you’ll meet a few people and have a few interesting experiences to talk about on your next first date.
We aren’t advocating you go out and strike up a conversation with everyone you see on the street.
Rather, we ask that you just put yourself out there.
That said, you may want to consider exactly what you are bringing to the table when you go out with someone. It’s All About Me First, reflect upon your last date. Some just can’t stand the sound of silence, and to fill it they’ll talk about anything. In other words, are you avoiding the masses and refusing to go out?
Since we feel comfortable talking about what we know, the conversation inevitably turns to ourselves. If the answer to these questions is mostly yes, you are running the risk of being too withdrawn.
—but the most soul-sucking thing about online dating is how friggin' repetitive it is.